The definition of a criminal is someone who has been convicted of a crime, and in Sea Shepherd’s entire history we have not had a single criminal felony conviction. And we’ve never been sued. We’ve also never injured anyone.

We have not been charged with any maritime violations. Australia has not laid any charges against us, nor has the Netherlands. Not even Japan.

So it’s all very well to be mouthing off about us being criminals and “eco-terrorists” but it’s all just talk now, isn’t it?

Let’s see, what have we done to you poor little defenseless whaler dudes? We tossed some stink bombs on your deck. We shone some bright lights at you. We played Black Samurai to you on the VHF radio. Pretty heavy stuff I guess.

But you responded with concussion grenades, bullets, Long Range Acoustical Weapons, you rammed our ships, and you destroyed one of our vessels when you deliberately rammed and sank our vessel Ady Gil.

You accuse us of throwing acid at you, when in fact we toss stink bombs made of rotten butter, and yes technically it’s butyric acid like orange juice is citric acid and milk is lactic acid, but the stuff is less acidic than beer. Stop trying to convince the world we’re throwing sulfuric acid in your faces. We’re not. It’s actually biodegradable, non-toxic, non corrosive, and organic.

Now, let’s look at what you blokes are doing. Aside from destroying one ship and damaging the other two and being violent towards us, you’re killing endangered Fin whales in an established international whale sanctuary in violation of a global moratorium on whaling. You’re also in violation of the Antarctic Treaty.

You may call us terrorists, yet we are not banned from flying on commercial flights, we have valid passports, and we are allowed to travel freely. I can even travel to Japan, if I so desired.

Now, you guys on the other hand are not allowed into Australian or New Zealand ports. You are not allowed into the French territories. Why? Because you’re in violation of international conservation law, and you have been issued a contempt order by the Australian Federal Court for refusing to cease your illegal whaling activities in the Australian Antarctic Territories.

You asked Australia to ban Sea Shepherd from Australian ports but they refused. Yeah, I know it was a little humiliating but you see, crime does not pay guys.

Even the Indonesians kicked you out of their country last year.

Now Australia is looking at making it a law for anyone in Australia to assist in your illegal whaling activities. It’s not illegal for Australians to assist Sea Shepherd activities. So who are the terrorists now?

There is also the little matter of your association with organized crime. The Yakuza is thick as thieves with your boys on the whaling boats? It’s interesting that you’ve never even tried to deny this. It’s not wise to deny the tattooed thugs from the sewers of Tokyo is it?

And you really should be ashamed at being welfare cases. Your pathetic little industry would not survive a month without the generous handouts of taxpayer’s money you keep getting handed to you, thanks to your contacts with the Yakuza and corrupt government officials.

You fill the oceans with blood and have the audacity to accuse us of being violent, despite the fact that we have never hurt a single person.

It’s all really quite silly isn’t it, calling us terrorists without a shred of credibility to back your accusations up, and you wonder why the rest of the world looks on your slaughter of the whales and your massacre of dolphins with such disgust?

It’s because Japan tolerates, and in fact encourages, some of the most barbaric and horrifically disgusting activities on the planet. Yes, I know your country is famous for schoolgirls in bondage and street machines that dispense used panties from young girls, but the savage spearing and slashing of dolphins and the incredibly cruel and painful slaughter of highly intelligent and socially complex sentient beings like the whales is perversion of the highest order.

Now at this point I expect the usual accusation of racism. Sorry I’m not buying it. My crew includes Asians (specifically Japanese and Chinese), Africans, North and South Americans, Europeans and Australians. We cut across all cultures united in our common opposition to illegal activities that cruelly exploit marine wildlife.

Oh by the way, you guys call us "Gaijin", which means “Barbarian.”  We’ve never been that impolite to you, never called you a single name based on your race or culture, however we have of course condemned your despicable profession of cruel and illegal butchery.

We noticed you have a sign on the Nisshin Maru that states “Animal Planet Supports Eco-Terrorism.”

You’ve complained that Animal Planet only present one side of the controversy, but you have specifically denied Animal Planet permission to put a film crew on your ships to cover your point of view. You were given a voice; you refused it, and now you whine that Animal Planet is one-sided.

So perhaps you can pass on a little message to your public relations firms. You’re just making yourself look foolish with this continued yammering about Sea Shepherd being “eco-terrorists.” No one cares about the opinions of whalers.  Whalers in most people’s minds are just dirty, uneducated, cruel, and contribute nothing to society or the world. They are just parasites living off the dole and constantly whining.

Oh and keep that guy in New Zealand that works for you. His name is Glenn Inwood and he’s priceless. We love him; that guy can always be counted on to make a total fool of himself and his clients.

As I write this, the Japanese floating abattoir named the Nisshin Maru is racing around in circles with two Sea Shepherd ships in hot pursuit.  The question must be asked - what are you running from, whaler dudes?

The answer is simple: you’re running away from the reality that the world holds little respect for what you are doing. They detest you and they are disgusted by you.

It’s time to join the 21st Century, time to stop wallowing in the bloody traditions that have died out in most every other civilized nation. It’s time to grow up and face the reality that our oceans are dying, and if the oceans die, we all die. It’s time for Japan to become part of the solution instead of constantly being the problem. It’s time for the despicable crime of whaling to be brought to an end.

It’s time for everyone to stop being gentle and meek with the butchers of the planet.